1. Reasons why i'm single

    1. ONE: i annoy people
    2. TWO: i'm never anyones first choice
    3. THREE: i fuck shit up
    4. FOUR: i'm just bad with relationships
    5. FIVE: i'm not liked
    6. SIX: I am an ugly ass mother fucker
    7. don't forget
    8. SEVEN: i spend my whole life locked away in a dark room with food and a laptop
     
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  3. amberisntacrayon:

    I was at the mall today and overheard this dude talking to two lesbian chicks. I hear him ask, “So which one of you is the guy in your relationship?” And the one girl looks into her pants and says, “It’s not me. How bout you? Are you hiding a dick in there?” Then her girlfriend looks in her pants and says, “Nope, I’m not.” Then the first chick looks at the dude and says, “Hmmm, guess that’s why we are lesbians.” And then I lost my shit.

    (via bitches-with-the-boots)

     
  4. lustyscripps:

    ruinedchildhood:

    too-gay-for-this:

    He has Monsters inc. on his shirt.

    She has Nemo on her dress.

    Violet has murder in her eyes. 

    (Source: wantapostcard, via bitches-with-the-boots)

     
  5.  
  6. crimson-winter:

    wo-nderland:

    this never gets old

    SANDRA BULLOCK IS MY QUEEN

    (Source: theplushbear, via bitches-with-the-boots)

     

  7. sassings:

    wish i was witty and cute but instead im sarcastic and annoying

    (via theramblingsofthatguyinthecorner)

     

  8. twistedviper:

    goodandfunandmadness:

    santo-dom-ingo:

    why commit murder when you can have one of these

    image

    come on guys 

    I’d kill for one of those.

    I think you’re missing the point

    (via bitches-with-the-boots)

     
  9. savethewildpinatas:

    He looks so polite, like he just wants to stop by and see if you have anything for him.

    (Source: pleatedjeans, via bitches-with-the-boots)

     

  10. liluminati:

    toucans freak me out cus thats like THERI WHOEL MOUTH

    image

    without it its just

    image

    (Source: laptoplucifer, via bitches-with-the-boots)